Niqab Meltdown

So after getting the family dressed for jumu’ah, I realized (horror music) my niqab was nowhere to be found. Now most sisters I know are like me, and have a favorite niqab. So when I looked around and didn’t see my favorite, I was frantic. I looked in the hamper, behind things in the living room, in my bedroom, and the car. I remembered the last time I had it was in the car, but it was nowhere to be seen. I went back into the house and checked the same spots somehow expecting it to be there. I finally started looking for my other niqabs. One had thread hanging over the slit for the eyes and looked beat up and the other got burnt by my iron and looked like I had tried to draw a mouth on it or something. But the latter had another layer that covered the eyes and would therefore cover the burnt spot, so I opted to wear that one. So we went to jumu’ah, me still wondering where the heck my favorite niqab was. I walked into the masjid on the sisters’ side, which is where the classrooms are. I don’t know if it was because it’s hot or because school is out, but the lights were off. That combined with the layer covering my eyes, made for a dark walk to the musalla. But nonetheless I made it there alhamdulillah.

After jumu’ah, I was soooo excited to go to the nearby muslim store and get a new niqab. I walked in and almost instantly saw my favorite one on the rack. I was so relieved. After picking it up, I looked around at a few underscarves and abayas for my daughter’s coming school year insha Allah. Then I noticed a niqab still in the package. Foolishly assuming it was the same niqab as the one in my hand, I put the niqab I had picked up back and brought the one in the package. I paid and walked back to the car and when we had driven around the block, I opened it. “WHAT!!!!” It was not my favorite niqab. It had the piece of fabric in the middle of the slit for the eyes, which I hate because it always seems to move. Then it had gold trimming all along the edges. I don’t have a single garment with gold in it or a gold khimar, so instantly I thought, “This won’t match with anything.” I was and am sooo sad.

So this was my niqab meltdown. I hope you understand my pain. Lol.

Why Would Someone Be Grateful To You?

Just something I’ve been thinking about all day. People are often ungratfeul for the things you do for them. Sometimes they don’t even notice. It can be frustrating to think your work and efforts are in vain. So when I find myself in this situation, being the one unthanked, I firstly remind myself that my reward is with Allah for any good I do, and then I tell myself, ‘People aren’t grateful to their Lord, so why would you expect them to be grateful to you?’

Wait Forty

Almost every week in jumu’ah, I see two things regarding salat that reallllly annoy me. Firstly, after the jumu’ah salat, people begin to offer their sunnahs. Depending on where I am, no one or half the people don’t put a sutra in front of themselves. The Prophet s.a.w. used a sutra and the companions after him, as is shown here…”The Prophet used to make his she-camel sit across and he would pray facing it (as a Sutra).” I asked, “What would the Prophet do if the she-camel was provoked and moved?” He said, “He would take its camel-saddle and put it in front of him and pray facing its back part (as a Sutra). And Ibn ‘Umar used to do the same.” (This indicates that one should not pray except behind a Sutra). (Bukhari). And another hadith showing the necessity of a sutra… Narrated Abu Salih As-Samman: ‘I saw Abu Said Al-Khudri praying on a Friday, behind something which acted as a Sutra. A young man from Bani Abi Mu’ait, wanted to pass in front of him, but Abu Said repulsed him with a push on his chest. Finding no alternative he again tried to pass but Abu Said pushed him with a greater force. The young man abused Abu Said and went to Marwan and lodged a complaint against Abu Said and Abu Said followed the young man to Marwan who asked him, “O Abu Said! What has happened between you and the son of your brother?” Abu Sa’id said to him, “I heard the Prophet saying, ‘If anybody amongst you is praying behind something as a Sutra and somebody tries to pass in front of him, then he should repulse him and if he refuses, he should use force against him for he is a satan.’ ” And to make matters worse, the masjid I’ve been going to as of lately is also a school and the children made sutras to be used on the musalla and people still go alllll the way to the back of the musalla and offer their sunnahs. Leaving the entire open musalla for people to have to wait for them to finish to walk out or to get their shoes, which brings me to issue number 2… Walking in front of those offering salat. The Prophet s.a.w. was narrated to have said, ‘If the one crossing in front of a praying person knew what sin is upon him, it would be better for him to wait forty than walk across.” Abu Al-Nadhr (one of the narrators of the hadith) said: I don’t know whether he said forth days, months, or years. (Bukhari). Or people sometimes walk up a little and then pass in front of the person, like there’s some hadith that says, ‘if you walk 5 ft in front of the person, then it’s ok.’ Uhhh no such hadith. I know it gets annoying waiting for someone to finish, especially when you’re in a rush, but next time, please fear Allah and consider the sin you’ll bring upon yourself if you choose not to wait.
And for people who don’t put a sutra in front of themselves while offering salat… GET A SUTRA and protect the rest of us from possibly falling into the sin of walking in front of you, by mistake or intentionally.

Big Changes

I just got done reading ’20 pieces of advice to my sister before her marriage’. It is sooooooooooooooooo good. I heard this book was good, but didn’t buy it because I thought, “I’m married. What will it have for me in that book?” But after hearing a sister say it’s for wives period, I brought it. And alhamdulillah, I’m so glad I did.

I already see big changes in my marriage from implementing the advice in the book. Not that my marriage was some horror show, but there’s always room for improvement in every situation. One of the pieces of advice that affected me the most was about being more grateful to your husband and how Allah is displeased with a wife who’s ungrateful to her husband, in spite of how much she needs him. I, of course, say thank you for things he gives me and write surprise thank you notes here and there, but after reading this chapter I became so much more aware of all he really does. The apartment, the car, the food, the clothes, being a great father, basically giving me almost anything my little heart wants. So these thoughts lead to me having moments where I would just daze out thinking about all he does for the family and when I came to I would just blurt out, “I love you”. and I could see how surprised and happy he was and this is turn now has us saying I love you more often, and in turn being more affectionate and having those newlywed moments again, where you just look at each other and have that “wow, I got to marry him/her” moment.

Then there was a chapter on beautifying yourself, so I’ve been implementing this more in my day to day appearance, not just when I feel like it or on special events. The response has made me feel so much prettier and in turn makes me feel happier to do my hair and get dressed up everyday. Anyone with kids knows sometimes keeping yourself up and getting dolled up everyday can be tiring and hard to get done along with everything else that needs to be done in the house, but seeing that it makes him so happy, insha Allah I’ll find the time to continue to do this everyday.

Lots of other beneficial advice as well. Such as about not adding fuel to the fire when he’s upset, but instead submerging the fire with an ocean of love. And doing that which he likes, but not excessively to the point that he no longer likes it and avoiding what he doesn’t like. And making his home a place of relaxation and happiness and keeping things fresh in the marriage.

I’m so happy I brought this book and I encourage other women to get it as well. Or a man to get it for his daughter. Insha Allah you’ll benefit from it as well.

Hadith Of The Day- Suspicions

Abu Haraira narrated that the Prophet s.a.w. said: “Beware of suspicion. For verily,suspicion is the falsest of speech. And do not meddle and do not spy. Do not rival one another nor be envious of each other or hate one another nor turn your back on one another. And be the servants of Allah and brothers as He has ordered you. The muslim is the brother of his fellow muslim. He does not oppress, nor deceive him, nor belittle him. And taqwa is here, taqwa is here, taqwa is here. (He said this while pointing at his chest). It is evil enough for a man to disdain his muslim brother. A muslim is sacred to another muslim in entirety :  his blood, his honor, and his wealth. Verily, Allah looks not to your bodies, nor you shape, but rather He looks at your heart and your deeds.”

Sahih Al- Bukhari and Muslim

Ayat Of The Day- Suspicions

Surah Al- Hujurat: 12

O you who believe! Avoid much suspicions, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it. And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful.

You Get That Reaction Because You Wear Black. Huh?

So after eating breakfast at ihop, we went to the local mall. Now there was added stress on this trip because very recently in my area, a woman was approached in the mall by security twice and told to remove her ‘mask’, he was of course referring to her niqab. So on the way there, shaytan kept trying to make me believe the same would happen to me, but I wore it none the less. Alhamdulillah nothing like this happened. Just the usual stares. Walking through the fragrance department was funny because they were offering perfumes left and right, but when I passed…. Nothing. Not that I wanted it but their awkwardness was amusing. Then we went to go see madagascar 3 with my mom-in-law. Cute movie. Then we went to the park to see off a couple we know who are moving. It was an insulting yet common conversation unfortunately. She was telling me the reactions she’s gotten from people where she’s moving and that its much more harsh when she wears all black. Not niqab but all black hijab. I shared some experiences as well and she said its because you wear black. Now mind you, I usually wear a black abaya with a balck and some other color khimar or just a one color peach, white, or purple khimar so while I don’t agree with the statement, its her opinion. She went on to say lime green and bright colors such as this are proper hijab and this bothers me because one of the conditions of hijab is that it not draw attention and beautify you more.
I guess light colors and sisters wearing pants and the like make people feel (as they say in america) that you’re a moderate muslim. I don’t believe there’s any such muslim because according to this country’s definition of a ‘moderate muslim’ it is one who’s muslim, but basically does what everyone else does. The ‘moderate muslims’ they show on tv are the ones saying islam needs to be modified according to the times, the Qur’an should be revised is some aspects, that women don’t have to cover, that men don’t have to grow beards or wear their pants above their ankles, and the worst one I heard, that a muslim only has to pray as many salah a day as he can, whether that be 1, 2, or 3. WHAT? So my definition of a ‘moderate muslim’ is one who is lazy in their religion.
But back to the topic at hand, I was a little taken aback to hear her say this. I don’t get that response because I’m wearing all black. I get it simply because I’m muslim. I get that response because I practice islam and testify to la ilaha ill Allah, muhammadar rasullah. I get that response because I believe in the one true God. So I’ll take that response everyday for believing in the truth.

Smoke Coming From My Covered Ears

After dropping my daughter off at school, I went to walmart with my baby in tow. I didn’t see many cars there, so I was happy knowing I wouldn’t have to put up with too many people.  As soon as I got out my car and got my cart, this guy did a triple take and then just stared and I took a deep breath, like here we go. I walked in and got a few things by the doors. People were staring, but when I noticed I would just play with my son to distract myself. But the cashier was very nice so that balanced the experience. I went home and dropped off the stuff and lingered around the apartment for a while and then it was time to pick up the princess. Yes is school is only 2 hours and 25 minutes for pre-k here.

So I picked her from the cafeteria and headed to the stop and shop in my town. I usually go to the stop and shop by my husband’s job because I went to a store once where I live and it was a pretty uncomfortable and aggravating experience. My town is predominantly jewish, so the muslim lady doesn’t exactly fit in around here. So I walked in and got the stares I expected and some head turns. But the absolute worst part came when I got in line. My 4 year old wears a khimar and when we got in line, the boy in front of us said, “Mom, look at that”, pointing at my daughter. His mom said stop it, so I left it alone. Then he pointed in her face and said,” Ha, ha, ha, ha.” and screamed in her face. His mom said be nice and tried to turn him around. But he persisted and did the same thing. I gave him the look of death and he went to front of the register. He was EXTREMELY fortunate that my daughter was so focused on trying to pick out candy that she didn’t notice what he was doing and saying. I had imaginary smoke fuming out of my ears. I wanted to take him by his neck and throw him across the room. I was so upset. As any mother could imagine, I was seeing red. I’ve never seen such a rude kid in my life. It made me think of the ignorances my daughter will have to face, if she doesn’t already in school. I pray that Allah gives her the patience and strength to bear it.

From, A Very Angry Niqabi

An Empty Heart

“Truly in the heart there is a void that cannot be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that cannot be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that cannot be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness.” — Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyyah (rahimahullaah)

Goldfish, Cats, Niqab, Oh My

Started out my day by going to the zoo by my house. Everytime I pass the pigs, I can’t help but think, “Ughhh, people really eat THAT!” Between dodging the geese poop and looking at the animals (who all seemed to be hiding), I didn’t have time to worry about people staring at me so I really enjoyed the stroll.

Then after eating and spending some time at my mom-in-law’s house, we stopped at petsmart on our way to the meat store. I got out the car with my niqab flipped back and sure enough, there was shaytan whispering, “You might make the animals go crazy, it’s already flipped back so just leave it now, someone’s dog might jump on you.” I flipped it down with some spunk and got my son out the car. After my husband and I  got the stroller and all my kids out the car, we went in and stopped at the fishes. Almost the whole left side of the wall was tanks full of goldfish. I had no idea there were so many different types. I asked the saleswoman if she had piranhas, but nope. I like seeing their teeth. Don’t know why, watching too much River Monsters. Then we moved on to seeing the cats. They were so cute and had their stories written outside of their cages about where they were rescued from and their personalities. Then we saw some birds, rats (yuck), mice, hamsters, guinea pigs, and chinchillas. We tried to see the snakes, but they were all curled up under their wooden houses so we just saw a gecko and some frogs. My kids thought we were at a zoo I guess. Hey, I’m all for free fun. But all they really wanted to see were dogs. But there were no dogs there except the one getting trained so we took a quick look and left.

Then we were off to the meat store. Since we’re moving in August insha Allah, we drove from the meat store to the what will be the nearest masjid to the new apartment. I walked in and took a look around. I can’t wait to pray taraweeh in Ramadan insha Allah. Usually my kids make it close to impossible for me to pray all 11 rakah, but I try. 1 rakat feels better than none. Even if I can’t pray, it feels so nice to watch the muslims break their fasts together and then later on pray taraweeh. It softens the heart a great deal.

Well that’s it for now. Assalamu alaykum from niqabi land.