Expectations In Marriage

I heard someone say, “Expectations kill a marriage.” I agreed, but my husband disagreed. While I understand his viewpoint that a husband should expect his wife to be supportive, to be a good mother, to cook, clean, and so forth, I feel, one who’s never been married is basing their expectations of what a marriage should be on what others’ marriages have been. This is where I think many people become disappointed in their spouse. Other than expecting your spouse to fulfil the duties Allah has placed on them (like a husband providing for the family), should one have other expectations going into their marriage?

Should you expect your spouse to love you? Or only expect kindness and gentle words?

Should you expect some great friendship in the marriage? Or only expect they you can work together for the sake of the children and to keep the marriage going smoothly?

Should you expect to be appreciated and cherished? Or accept that you should do what you need to and not expect appreciation for it?

Should you expect romance and intimacy? Or accept that your spouse to may simply fulfil their duties in the bedroom without much emotion or closeness?

Should you hope for the great marriages some people speak of, or expect they will fufil their duties and just be pleasantly surprised if your spouse does more than that?

I personally believe having expectations only leads to disappointment. Then again, I’m told I have a cold heart so….. Lol. I have heard so many times of a brother who doesn’t show much emotion or doesn’t communicate well, etc. Other than for a husband to pay the bills and treat you kindly, is it wise to expect more? I would really love to hear different opinions about this. Maybe I can be persuaded to become a optimist. Lol.

Back To School

Alhamdulillah, school starts next friday for my 2 oldest kids insha Allah. I haven’t decided whether I wanna put my 2 yr old in yet. Maybe if I go to school. At least now, school is a 4 minute drive from my apartment instead of an hour. Big stress reducer. I’m trying to figure out how to fit nightly classes at the masjid into the schedule somehow insha Allah. With cooking, bathes, and everything else that happens at night, I don’t see how I can, but I’ve gotta try. Need an iman booster.
In other news, I’m doing ok after the surgery. I still have the urge to cry sometimes when I see a baby on tv or touch my belly out of forgetfulness, but alhamdulillah, I remind myself that what was meant to hit me, could’ve never passed me.
I’m getting so much more comfortable wearing niqab now. I’ve moved to a city with a much bigger muslim community, so it’s just an everyday thing for them to see a niqabi. So even when I went school shopping last week in a mall that usually makes me very anxious, I didn’t even really remember I had it on unless someone really stared in my face.

Ramadan Day Nineteen

Since tonight will be the 1st of the last ten days of Ramadan insha Allah, I thought I would post some reminders about Laylatul Qadr.

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet, sal Allahu alayhi wa salaam, said, “Whosoever performs Qiyam during Laylat-ul-Qadr, with Faith and being hopeful of Allah’s reward, will have his former sins forgiven.”
Al-Bukhari and Muslim

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Approaching you is the month of Ramadan, a blessed month in which Allah the Exalted has made it an obligation upon you to fast; in it the gates of the heavens are opened, and in it the gates of Hellfire are closed, and in it the devils are chained. Allah has made a night in it that is better than a thousand months, so whoever is deprived of it is truly deprived.”
Ahmad

Aisha reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, would exert himself in worship during the last ten nights of Ramadan more so than any other time.
Muslim

1195. `Aishah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported: I asked: “O Messenger of Allah! If I realize Laylat-ul-Qadr, what should I supplicate in it?” He, Sal Allahu alayhi wa salaam, replied, “You should supplicate: Allahumma innaka `afuwwun, tuhibbul-`afwa, fa`fu `anni (O Allah, You are Most Forgiving, and You love forgiveness; so forgive me).”
At-Tirmidhi

Ramadan Day Sixteen Ayat

Surah Al Kahf: 109- 110

Say: “If the sea were ink for the Words of my Lord, surely, the sea would be exhausted before the Words of my Lord would be finished, even if we brought like it for its aid.”
Say: “I am only a man like you. It has been revealed to me that your Ilah (God) is One Ilah. So whoever hopes for the Meeting with his Lord, let him work righteousness and associate none as a partner in the worship of his Lord.”

Surah Maryam: 88- 93

And they say: “The Most Gracious.has begotten a son.”
Indeed you have brought forth a terrible evil thing.
Whereby the heavens are almost torn, and the earth is split asunder, and the mountains fall in ruins,
That they ascribe a son to the Most Gracious.
But it is not suitable for the Most Gracious that He should beget a son.
There is none in the heavens and the earth but comes unto the Most Gracious as a slave.

Ramadan Day Thirteen Ayah

Surah Ibrahim: 22

And Shaytan (Satan) will say when the matter has been decided: “Verily, Allah promised you a promise of truth. And I too promised you, but I betrayed you. I had no authority over you except that I called you, and you responded to me. So blame me not, but blame yourselves. I cannot help you, nor can you help me. I deny your former act in associating me as a partner with Allah. Verily, there is a painful torment for the thalimun.”