Alhamdulillah, school starts next friday for my 2 oldest kids insha Allah. I haven’t decided whether I wanna put my 2 yr old in yet. Maybe if I go to school. At least now, school is a 4 minute drive from my apartment instead of an hour. Big stress reducer. I’m trying to figure out how to fit nightly classes at the masjid into the schedule somehow insha Allah. With cooking, bathes, and everything else that happens at night, I don’t see how I can, but I’ve gotta try. Need an iman booster.
In other news, I’m doing ok after the surgery. I still have the urge to cry sometimes when I see a baby on tv or touch my belly out of forgetfulness, but alhamdulillah, I remind myself that what was meant to hit me, could’ve never passed me.
I’m getting so much more comfortable wearing niqab now. I’ve moved to a city with a much bigger muslim community, so it’s just an everyday thing for them to see a niqabi. So even when I went school shopping last week in a mall that usually makes me very anxious, I didn’t even really remember I had it on unless someone really stared in my face.
Surah An Nur: 31
And tell the believing women to lower their gaze, and protect their private parts and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils all over Juyubihinna and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband’s fathers, their sons, their husband’s sons, their brothers or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful.
I have so many things going through my mind today. First off, I was riding home from my kids’ school thinking about how I would like for my son’s teacher to become my husband’s second wife. WHAT? Although polygyny is a muslim man’s right, I struggle with the idea of sharing my husband. So, thinking about this almost half of my trip home was quite surprising to me. She just seems like she would be a great fit for our family. I’ve been making du’a to correct my attitude towards polygyny, so I feel this is an answer to that. Allah knows best.
Then I got on the phone with my friend later and she asked why I put hijab on my 6 year old daughter. I basically explained that practice becomes habit. If she feels comfortable in hijab now, it won’t be a problem for her to wear it when it becomes obligatory for her. My daughter feels the hijab is beautiful and knows that wearing dresses and beautifying yourself is for indoors. I told my friend that waiting until your daughter is 14 or 16 and then telling her to cover just leaves the door open for shaytan to whisper to them about how they’ve been uncovered this long, why cover now? She basically was telling me that she didn’t agree and that women in her family wore hijab when they were younger and then rebelled and didn’t cover when they left home because they felt “caged” having to cover all those years. I told her I’m not forcing my daughter to wear it, rather I have explained to her that this is the dress Allah has ordained for the muslim women and it’s an honor to wear it. I think explaining the beauty and virtue of it makes the child want to wear it and not feel forced to wear it.
Then we got into the subject of homosexuality. I bought up how some people say you’re born gay. Obviously, this isn’t true. But she kind of felt it was. She had a gay step- brother and said he was always flamboyant, so this gave her reason to believe this may be true, but was conflicted on the subject as a muslim. I said they’re not born this way, but have a grave sickness that they, unfortunately, give into. Gays are giving into a sick thought planted by shaytan. Men and women are naturally inclined to one another. Duhhhh.
Crazy day. Crazy convo.
Many disbelievers and, unfortunately, many muslims think wearing the niqab is extreme. I feel what’s extreme to a person depends on what their morals and lifestyle are. My covering is extreme to someone who ‘flaunts what they got’ and ‘let’s it all hang out’. My abstaining from drinking alcohol is extreme to someone who drinks until they can’t remember what happened last night. My praying five times a day is extreme to someone who only prays when they need something. My abstaining from sex outside of marriage is extreme to someone who feels they need to know what someone is ‘working with’ before they get married.
What really confuses is when Christians say they can’t be muslim because of all the extreme restrictions. Did I miss the book in the bible that says a woman can go out with her head uncovered (yes, it says a woman has to cover her head in the bible), or where it says it’s ok to fornicate, or where it says to sin and live life to the fullest when your young and worry about the punishment later? I don’t think so.
Then we come to the muslims who say the niqab is extreme… Are you calling the wives of the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa salaam) extreme? Are you saying the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa salaam) let his wives and the female companions around him practice something extreme? I hear muslims say a niqabis appearance repels people from islam and trying to understand our religion. My duty, as a muslim, first and foremost is to my Lord. Not pleasing the people and making myself uncomfortable so that others will feel comfortable approaching me. If someone looks at me and, in their ignorance, thinks I’m dangerous, extreme, or to weak to form an opinion to speak with them, then that’s on them. I am practicing a part of Islam by wearing my niqab and I won’t abandon something pleasing to my Lord to make others comfortable.
It’s extreme to me to hear muslims say that don’t cover at all because they’re blending in with the community so they can call people to Islam. So basically, you’re abandoning something Allah has made obligatory on you, to call to Allah’s religion? Hmm…. let me think about that for a minute….. No go. This sounds the same to me as someone saying, “I went out drinking with him to talk about Islam” Muslims would hear this person and say, “That makes no sense. You’re calling to Islam while committing a sin.” Um, HELLO!
My niqab isn’t extreme for me because it fits with the way I live my life. Trying to be obedient to my Lord and trying to be a modest woman. If you think that’s extreme, then maybe you need to look at your standards!
So much has been going on. Where to begin……. I guess at the beginning. Lol. Well since the last time I blogged, I’m in my new apartment and I actually like it here. I only dislike I when I go grocery shopping and then pull up to my building and realize I live on the 3rd floor. It’s 32 steps. Enough said. My 6 and 3 year old have started Islamic school. I loveeeeeeeee to pick my kids up and hear my daughter telling me what she learned about Allah that day and hearing my son recite Naas the whole way home. My daughter has already learned Asr and is now learning Takathur Alhamdulillah. The teachers are doing so well with them and my daughter loves how she everyone wears hijab like her. It’s an hour drive in the morning and about 45 minute drive in the afternoon, but it’s so worth it and I feel so blessed Allah has given us the opportunity to have our children in Islamic School. My daughter’s class and some of the older grades did a mock hajj in early October. I almost cried just seeing my little girl “making hajj”. It was so touching. My 1 year old is still at home. He’s become extra cuddly now that he has me all to himself most of the day.
As for my darling niqab, I made a decision not to remove it except around family and so far, so good. When shaytan starts to whisper, I totally dismiss the thought and remind myself why I wear it and ignore the stares and comments. 2 nights ago my son suddenly got a fever and had to out to get medicine. I don’t go out at night (unless I’m with my husband) and it was Halloween so I expected people to be acting extra ignorant. I got dressed and shaytan whispers, “You’ll be in and out, you don’t really need to wear niqab this time.” So at first, I put it back in the closet, then I thought, “What am I doing?” I put it on and went to the store. Then I wondered if people in the store thought I was being a niqabi for Halloween. Lol.
I guess that about sums it.
I haven’t written in over a month, I’ve has a lot going on (as my title lets you know lol). I moved into my new apartment. Packing and unpacking, ughh. And I’m the kind of person who has to have the whole house unpacked as soon as possible. So I was still unpacking at like 1 in the morning. Obviously I’m all unpacked now lol. My husband says I have OCD with moving furniture, so I’ve already changed the living room around about 4 or 5 times.
Then I’m trying to register my two older kids for Islamic School, so choosing one is confusing. My husband and I have different favorites.
Ramadan started off great. Reading and offering sunnahs and such, but I slowly started feeling less and less ‘spiritual’, I guess I’ll say. I was so overwhelmed with the kids and packing that I let myself become busied and lazy. The eid was ok. It rained around 1 so basically everything shut down. Hubby took me on a date that night but then, I think, the food made me really sick and I basically passed out. Nice lol.
I’m not in a new area really because all the grocery stores and stuff I’m going to now are in the town near us, where I grew up, but wearing my niqab to these stores is a new experience. One store is where a man followed my daughter and me around the store calling me a slave and rumbling on, so often when I pull into the parking lot, I remember this. But Allah protects the believers, so in Allah I put my trust.
I’m so looking forward to going to the store on Friday insha Allah and getting a good Islamic book to read. I have so many books, but either I’ve read them or I read a little and it just didn’t catch me. I can get bored with a book easily, if the first few pages don’t grab me in. I saw a Islamic self help book on amazon that I’m thinking about getting. I’ve read good reviews about it and I could use a pick me up. When I go to say barnes and nobles and look for books about being less angry (yes, I can admit I have anger issues) or things of this nature, more often that not, I flip through the pages and see multiple bible scriptures, so I put it back and leave the store discouraged.
Well, that’s what going on in my life. Probably gonna fast tomorrow insha Allah, to make up for allllllllll the days I still need to fast from years before this one. I finally got internet at the new apartment (as you can see), so I’m gonna go browse. See ya!
A lot of people say muslim women wear hijab to stop men from behaving a certain way with them. I would like to say… I cannot control the way any man thinks or acts. I wear hijab because Allah ordered me to. Because being modest is a part of being a muslim. And yes, one of the purposes of wearing hijab is to be known as a muslim woman and so as not to be annoyed and harassed. This being said, men are men. If a man has a dirty mind or is just plain old crazy, he will think what he wants when he looks at me regardless. I cannot control what any man thinks when he sees me, but, with my hijab, I can control what he sees of me. I don’t think every man is a rapist or some lust-crazed maniac, but my hijab is a protection from those that are. Just as a person locks their doors at night, not because they think everyone is a burglar, but because they know some people are. Both are done as a protection against the evils that we all know some people have in them.