Making Up Ramadansssssssss

I haven’t fasted since my first year being muslim! Immediately after I got married, I found out I was pregnant… no fasting…. next year I was breastfeeding……. no fasting…….. next year I was pregnant again……….. no fasting………………last year…………………..breastfeeding………………. no fasting. So here I am needing to make up four ramadans worth of fasting. Just adding up the correct amount of days I need to make up this morning left me feeling overburdened, but I know Allah will make it easy for me insha Allah. I’m gonna fast for the first time in almost 5 years tomorrow. I keep thinking about my first time fasting, the horrible headache I got, how I was salivating for food by the time sunset came. I’m thinking tomorrow will be the same way. But I need to start making them up because I always wonder if I passed away, would the days I haven’t made up be held against me? Anyone reading this, please make du’a for me. I’m gonna need it. Lol

Anyway, in other news, I’m searching for an apartment. I cannot wait to move from here. There’s spiders, flying ants, centipedes, and (in late fall) grasshoppers at every turn. I can’t be comfortable in my own home and it aggravates me to no end. It often puts me in a very bad mood for the day when I walk into my living room and see something crawling where my children play and sit. My husband keeps reminding me everywhere has bugs, but not this amount. Not this amount. It’s abnormal how often I see some type of insect in here. Ughhhhh. We might be moving to Texas, so I’m getting excited thinking about possibly moving to a new state insha Allah.