Oh The Shame

After dropping hubby off at work, I took my son to the dr. for his one year old check up. We got the horrifying vaccines out of the way and then we were on our way to the grocery store.  I once again let shaytan talk me out of wearing my niqab. “You don’t wanna be bothered with the drama today. You’ll wear it the next time you go out. It’s ok for today” So we walked into the store and got the items we needed and headed to check out. I walked up after putting the groceries on the counter and the cashier was looking at me. Of course, I’m thinking it’s because I’m muslim, but apparently it was for another reason. He kept asking me questions and talking and trying to make me laugh. At first I’m thinking he’s trying to be friendly, but as the conversation progressed, I came to the conclusion, he was flirting. So I got my stuff as quickly as possible and left confused, like “What about my appearance says, ‘Please flirt with me?.”? Well, I guess my open face.

Not learning my lesson, I didn’t wear my niqab into wal-mart either. A couple of aisles in, I look over to see a niqabi with her children. I felt so ashamed in that moment. Like she was so much stronger than me. Many sisters wouldn’t go to the masjid I used to attend saying, “Sisters would tell me I don’t cover correctly.” In my point of view, if you feel someone would tell you this, then you obviously feel you aren’t covering correctly. You just don’t wanna be told so. I didn’t feel this sister would walk up to me and tell me I needed to put a niqab on, but I was telling myself. I didn’t need anyone to tell me. I knew within myself that I wasn’t covered as I should be. I stayed in the aisle asking myself, “Why aren’t you wearing your niqab”? WHY?  Shaking my head in disappointment with myself, I kept walking and gathered what I needed. After checking out, I was walking towards the exit and a man sitting on the bench said, “Come here, beautiful.” I scrunched up my face and showed my disgust and he laughed. I wished sooooo much in that moment that I had worn my niqab to the grocery store and especially wal-mart. This man had just shown me one of the reasons I wear niqab. So I don’t have to deal with that type of ignorance. I really would have rather worn my niqab and heard, “Hey ninja”, than having to hear, “Come here beautiful” because I didn’t wear my beloved niqab.

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Day One

This is day one of my tv detox. I’ve decided to limit what I watch instead of completely cutting tv out because I like watching sports and some shows for my children are educational. Anyway, I’ve scheduled my day out, mostly revolving around entertaining my kids, and to allow for them to watch an hour and a half of tv and if there’s time I’ll watch something. Alhamdulillah, I’m not really interested in watching tv much right now, so I’m ok. The main issue is my step- daughter is up here for winter break from texas and she watches tv, so I know she’ll be really bored while I’m sitting around playing chutes and ladders with my little ones. Anyway, I made a list of shows I will still watch, that I feel are appropriate, and insha Allah will stick to that. When those show go off or have finales and whatnot, I won’t replace it with another show so pretty soon insha Allah, I won’t be watching pretty much anything. That’s the goal anyway. We’ll see how it goes.