Abi

Lying in bed right now, I find myself thinking about life before my husband. Yes, that sounds weird when I write it. Lol. Being that I’m pregnant again, walhamdulillah, I’m thinking back to a time of being very lost in my first pregnancy. My first child was born before I embraced Islam. I was 17 and head strong. When I found out I was pregnant, I was pressured to get an abortion for many reasons. I haven’t graduated high school yet, how could I afford a child, and that her father would not be there to help. In the end, I listened to my heart and decided against an abortion. Me, knowing how stubborn I was, knew that I would graduate no matter what, and that I would work 3 jobs if that meant my daughter being taken care of. I also knew I would be doing it alone, without her father and I was very ok with that, in fact I expected it.
I never knew my father, most of my cousins didn’t know their fathers or had minimal contact with them. So, growing up this was quite normal to me. As I got older most of my friends were in the same boat when it came to dads. So the thought of raising my daughter alone didn’t phase me. I had the mentality of, ‘kids don’t need fathers. Moms are the mother and father.’ And this is how it was when she was born. I was mom and dad. Then I got married.
To see the way my daughter loved to be around my husband was, and still is, one of the most attracting things about him. Then I got pregnant was my first son. To have the father there throughout the pregnancy, to have him hold your hand through labor, and see the love in his eyes when he first lays them on his child, changed my whole way of thinking. I realized how much a father truly means in a child’s life. How it impacts a child to have the love of both his parents. I now know the warmth I feel when my children have the opportunity to scream ‘ABI’ when my husband walks through the door.
I didn’t have a father,or even good male role models, in my life growing up and only now that I’m older, can I see the damage that caused throughout my younger years. I pray my children never have to know that feeling. Even though my daughter knows my husband is not her real father, that’s Abi to her and that’s all that matters. And I’m mot saying everyone should be in their child’s life, as some people have told me about my daughter’s father, because I know some men just simply don’t deserve to even be called a father. I’m writing this to help change some girl’s mind, who’s also grown up without a father and thinks it’s ok. Or for some man who hasn’t taken the opportunity to be in there child’s life. Be a part of your child’s life amd not only be a part of it, but BETTER it.
Ok, going to sleep. Good night.