Lying in bed right now, I find myself thinking about life before my husband. Yes, that sounds weird when I write it. Lol. Being that I’m pregnant again, walhamdulillah, I’m thinking back to a time of being very lost in my first pregnancy. My first child was born before I embraced Islam. I was 17 and head strong. When I found out I was pregnant, I was pressured to get an abortion for many reasons. I haven’t graduated high school yet, how could I afford a child, and that her father would not be there to help. In the end, I listened to my heart and decided against an abortion. Me, knowing how stubborn I was, knew that I would graduate no matter what, and that I would work 3 jobs if that meant my daughter being taken care of. I also knew I would be doing it alone, without her father and I was very ok with that, in fact I expected it.
I never knew my father, most of my cousins didn’t know their fathers or had minimal contact with them. So, growing up this was quite normal to me. As I got older most of my friends were in the same boat when it came to dads. So the thought of raising my daughter alone didn’t phase me. I had the mentality of, ‘kids don’t need fathers. Moms are the mother and father.’ And this is how it was when she was born. I was mom and dad. Then I got married.
To see the way my daughter loved to be around my husband was, and still is, one of the most attracting things about him. Then I got pregnant was my first son. To have the father there throughout the pregnancy, to have him hold your hand through labor, and see the love in his eyes when he first lays them on his child, changed my whole way of thinking. I realized how much a father truly means in a child’s life. How it impacts a child to have the love of both his parents. I now know the warmth I feel when my children have the opportunity to scream ‘ABI’ when my husband walks through the door.
I didn’t have a father,or even good male role models, in my life growing up and only now that I’m older, can I see the damage that caused throughout my younger years. I pray my children never have to know that feeling. Even though my daughter knows my husband is not her real father, that’s Abi to her and that’s all that matters. And I’m mot saying everyone should be in their child’s life, as some people have told me about my daughter’s father, because I know some men just simply don’t deserve to even be called a father. I’m writing this to help change some girl’s mind, who’s also grown up without a father and thinks it’s ok. Or for some man who hasn’t taken the opportunity to be in there child’s life. Be a part of your child’s life amd not only be a part of it, but BETTER it.
Ok, going to sleep. Good night.


4 thoughts on “Abi

  1. Mashallah! As salaam alaikum, sister! I am so happy to hear that your husband has been able to change your feelings about having a father around for your children and just as importantly a partner for you. We are living in a society that finds it to be normal for a child to be raised by any and everyone but their parents but more commonly without their fathers. In my first marriage my ex-husband was not the best husband or father but in my current marriage things are so different. Even if he and I are in disagreement – he always makes the children a priority and is always present for both their struggles and triumphs. The behavior of my eldest children over the years has improved so much and you can see that as hard as I tried to provide love, stability, and nurturing it is a healthy relationship with both myself AND a father that makes it complete. My daughters are now more confident and happy than ever and I am so thankful I didn’t fall into the trap of “I can do it all by myself” because although I can – I don’t have to. Alhumdulillah! Best wishes to your and your new addition! May Allah bless you and your family.

      • Salaam sis,

        Really wonderful blog. Very inspirational. Just wanted to say. I’ve been wanting to wear niqaab since a long time. But am unsure. Scared. Sometimes I strongly believe in it. Yet others I feel weird. I just can’t decide. I just wanted to ask since I haven’t seen it on here. How did u do all this? How was your journey to Islam? Hijab? Jilbab/abaya? Marriage?
        All this can be really hard for converts. And even Muslims. Like me 😦
        May Allah bless you and your family.


        P.S: if possible. Can I have a private response via email.

  2. Salaam sis,
    Really wonderful blog. Very inspiring. I’ve been thinking about niqaab for a very long time. But am still unsure. I’m scared sometimes. And sometimes I feel really string about it. I just can’t come to a decision.
    One thing I wanted to ask. I hope you don’t mind. It’s something I haven’t seen you write here in this blog. So I was wondering how was your journey to Islam? Hijab? Jilbab/abaya? Marriage??
    I know it can be hard for a lot of converts. Not only that. Even Muslims struggle. Like me 😦
    So was just wondering how did you pull through it.
    May Allah bless you and your family.

    P.S: if possible. Can I receive a private response via email.

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