Lying in bed right now, I find myself thinking about life before my husband. Yes, that sounds weird when I write it. Lol. Being that I’m pregnant again, walhamdulillah, I’m thinking back to a time of being very lost in my first pregnancy. My first child was born before I embraced Islam. I was 17 and head strong. When I found out I was pregnant, I was pressured to get an abortion for many reasons. I haven’t graduated high school yet, how could I afford a child, and that her father would not be there to help. In the end, I listened to my heart and decided against an abortion. Me, knowing how stubborn I was, knew that I would graduate no matter what, and that I would work 3 jobs if that meant my daughter being taken care of. I also knew I would be doing it alone, without her father and I was very ok with that, in fact I expected it.
I never knew my father, most of my cousins didn’t know their fathers or had minimal contact with them. So, growing up this was quite normal to me. As I got older most of my friends were in the same boat when it came to dads. So the thought of raising my daughter alone didn’t phase me. I had the mentality of, ‘kids don’t need fathers. Moms are the mother and father.’ And this is how it was when she was born. I was mom and dad. Then I got married.
To see the way my daughter loved to be around my husband was, and still is, one of the most attracting things about him. Then I got pregnant was my first son. To have the father there throughout the pregnancy, to have him hold your hand through labor, and see the love in his eyes when he first lays them on his child, changed my whole way of thinking. I realized how much a father truly means in a child’s life. How it impacts a child to have the love of both his parents. I now know the warmth I feel when my children have the opportunity to scream ‘ABI’ when my husband walks through the door.
I didn’t have a father,or even good male role models, in my life growing up and only now that I’m older, can I see the damage that caused throughout my younger years. I pray my children never have to know that feeling. Even though my daughter knows my husband is not her real father, that’s Abi to her and that’s all that matters. And I’m mot saying everyone should be in their child’s life, as some people have told me about my daughter’s father, because I know some men just simply don’t deserve to even be called a father. I’m writing this to help change some girl’s mind, who’s also grown up without a father and thinks it’s ok. Or for some man who hasn’t taken the opportunity to be in there child’s life. Be a part of your child’s life amd not only be a part of it, but BETTER it.
Ok, going to sleep. Good night.


Jesus Saves

So I’m leaving the shoprite, where most of the people in the store felt they should get a good eye-full of my niqab, and this guy yells out, ” JESUS SAVES!”. I turned around but whoever said it didn’t even have the guts to let it be known it was him. I thought about screaming, “HE SURE DOES.”, but I didn’t want to sound ghetto.
It’s amazing and ignorant to me how so many people think muslims don’t believe in Jesus. Newsflash!!! We do. And by that, of course I mean that muslims believe Jesus was a very important prophet and messenger of Allah. Like one time my husband bought this lady some food and she said, “Thank Jesus. Oh yeah, you guys don’t believe in Jesus.” What? Since when? Even in having a convo with my mom, I was saying how Jesus will come back before the Day of Judgment and she was basically shocked we valued Jesus at all. And when I went on to explain that we believe Jesus was a messenger and performed miracles, by the Will of Allah, she was confused and later my grandmother and her asked, “If you believe in Jesus, then why don’t you follow his message?” Since Jesus’ message was to worship One God, I truly follow his message. The question is why don’t yall? Jesus clearly said in the bible, another messenger was to come after him, yet Christians totally disregard that. Jesus clearly says in the bible to worship God, not himself, not his mother, nor the Holy Spirit, but God Alone. Jesus’ message wasn’t worship him alongside God, it was to worship his Lord and your Lord Alone. And muslims do this.
So, I agree with you, extremely ignorant shoprite guy… Jesus does save, when you follow his true message and the message of all the prophets from Adam to Muhammad (sal Allahu alayhi wa salaam)… to worship the One, True God Alone.

My Journey With My Mom

I know when some people read ayah or ahadith about mothers, they think to themselves, ‘I can’t honor my mother after everything we’ve been through. Having a relationship with her will never happen.’ I know people think this way because I once felt this way about my mother as well.

Sadly, I can’t remember a time in my childhood or teenage years when my mother and I got along. She raised me the way her mother raised her- with harsh words and tough love. She said what was on her mind and so did I. I became quite sassy and angry as time went on. So, needless to say, things got worse as I got older and the tension grew. There were many things I blamed her for and, I’m sure, many ways I had let her down.
After becoming muslim and learning the importance of mothers I tried to change the way I saw her and my level of respect for her, but shaytan was always right there inciting arguments and sparking our anger towards one another. When I met my now husband, he asked me about my mother and I’s relationship and I told him there wasn’t one and I didn’t care if there was. He wasn’t having that as he proceeded to tell me how I had to fix things with her and reminding me of all the sacrifices mothers make. I had heard it all before but was too hurt and unforgiving to accept the advice or really even listen, but masha Allah, when the advice came from him, it hit my heart and made me want to cry (but of course I couldn’t fall apart in front of him so soon lol).
Knowing I would be moving out when I got married, I decided to write my mom a letter, as I was always better at expressing my feelings on paper than in person. I started writing how hurt I was because of this and that and asking why didn’t she handle certain situations better. Then I stopped and realized blaming her and lashing out at her wouldn’t make anything better. It wouldn’t change the past. It wouldn’t heal any wound that hadn’t healed by now. I crumbled it up and started a new letter. I told her how much I appreciated all the sacrifices she had made for me. That I knew she tried her best and I was sorry for anything I ever did or said that hurt or disappointed her. I told her how important mothers are in islam and that I was thankful Allah blessed me to have her as a mother. I finished by saying that even though I was leaving now, I hoped this could be the start of a beautiful relationship and that I loved her more than words could say.
I got married and went on my honeymoon and when I came home to get my boxes, she gave me a letter in return. I was so nervous to read it, thinking perhaps my loving words had come too late for her. But I read words that brought tears to my eyes and warmed my heart. She apologized as well and said she wanted the same relationship I wanted and how much she loved me.
Its been almost 3 years since I got married, and in that time a friendship has blossomed that I never thought possible. We talk every day or every other day, have girls’ nights out, she takes my kids for weekends, and so much more that I didn’t think would ever happen.
Allah guided me to forgive my mother and her to forgive me. I see a happiness in her now that I honestly didn’t know existed and I thank Allah for blessing me with a mother like her.
I hope this is somehow an inspiration to someone who’s going through a similar situation. And remember it is reported by Mu`awiyah bin Jahima As-Sulami that the Prophet s.a.w. said, ‘Paradise lays beneath the feet of your mother.’ (Ahmad)