It all started with cramping. I moved to my new apartment 2 weeks ago and started having cramping, but since my last 2 pregnancies have been rather painful, I didn’t find this strange. Then I got a terrible pain on my right side a few days later. I finally went to the hospital and after waiting hours to be seen, I found out I was having an ectopic pregnancy. The baby was in my fallopian tube. The doctor started to tell me it wasn’t my fault and that I could go on to have healthy pregnancies. A mixture of faith and shock kept me from truly crying. I kept telling myself it just wasn’t meant to be. I called to tell my husband the news and that I would need surgery in a few hours, since my tube had ruptured and needed to be removed. I hung up and felt a new found appreciation for my 3 children and how blessed I was to have them.
Then my mind went to the fear of the surgery and begging Allah to forgive me and to keep me safe during the surgery.
Finally my husband arrived at the hospital. I had the surgery done a little after 3:45 a.m. I lost my baby a little after 3:45 a.m. I was in so much pain after the surgery and still trying to get my house in order when I could finally move around that it didn’t hit me that I really wasn’t pregnant any longer until Tuesday. I cupped my belly and then realized there was no longer a baby in there. The sadness hit me all at once. I’m tearing up as I’m writng this. It’s such a strange thing. I was only about 7 weeks, yet I had a name picked out. I was already planning where the bassinet would go in my new bedroom months from now. But Allah is the best of Planners. I know everything happens by My Lord’s Will and that is my only true comfort. My pregnancy couldn’t have become anything other than what it was. Masha Allah.


11 thoughts on “Qadr

  1. May Allah ta’alaa grant sabr within your heart (ameen) I can’t imagine how difficult this must have been.. in shaa Allah it will be a means of great reward for you in the hereafter

  2. As salam alaykoum wa rahmatoeallahi wa barakatoho,Soubhanallah i have just been googling for a more islam related blog since everyone here is like only blogging about more fashion related stuff…(Belgium&Holland). So your blog is the first hit and i read this… Alhamdulileh 3la koeli 7al Sister i won’t forget you in my dua’s and i hope bi idnillehi ta3la that this tremendous lost Will drag you to jennah insjALlah on that day wich we all are waiting for…Ameen.

  3. I hope you’re feeling better now, both emotionally and physically. Allah only tests you with trials He knows you have the power to succeed. I pray you reach good health and that Allah always protects you and your family, inshaa Allah. Ameen

  4. SubhanAllah,

    May you meet your little one in Jannah some day sister in sha Allah.

    Im sorry to hear of such a loss. But alhamdulilah Allah has placed such calmness in you. That can only happen when iman is in a good place.

    May Allah bless you and your family


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