I Don’t Want To Be The ‘NO’ Muslim

I have a friend I knew for about 4-5 years before I got married. We were best friends, but when I became muslim, things became strained. I didn’t want to do the same things I had done before islam. I covered now. I had to pray at specific times. I had to fast. This didn’t sit well with her. She didn’t want to go places with me when I wore certain things, questioned why I became muslim in the first place, and basically wanted her old friend back. But that girl was gone now and in her place stood a muslim who didn’t want to back peddle. Then when I got married, we bascially stopped talking over night. Then when I finally did hear from her, we exchanged not so nice words. My number changed soon after and I lost my contacts when I got a new phone. I didn’t speak to her for probably about a year n a half. One day I missed her and went to her house and put a note on her car saying I had lost her number and I missed her and to call me. She immediately called and I went to her house for an hour. We had good conversation, but it was clear things would never be the same. We were on different paths.
We have been keeping in touch since then. Every now and then I try to squeeze islam into the convo. One day she said she didn’t want to become because she saw what it did to me and didn’t want that to happen to her! WHAT? Uhh u don’t wanna be close to your Lord, be married and have children, and be happy? Uhh ok. Then she said how she felt islam came between us and that the more I got into islam, the more I just looked at her as my kafr friend. So I just left it alone because I guess to her, islam took her best friend away.
So the other day I decided to finally ask again. I know some people would say just leave it alone, but I always ask myself, ‘what could it hurt?’. If she says no, then masha Allah, if she says yes, then alhamdulillah. It seemed she was a little more open to it, maybe because of where her life is right now, although why doesn’t really matter to me. But she said she’s reluctent because she does some things muslims can’t do, so I got to thinking, if she does take her shahadah, how would I handle this? I wouldn’t want to be the muslim who’s always telling her that she can’t do this and can’t do that, but at the same time I can’t let her sin and not say anything about it because 1) Allah commands us to enjoin the good and forbid the evil and 2) she would think it’s ok to do these things because I don’t warn her against them.
It’s a tough position to be in. You don’t want to make it hard for someone when they first accept islam, but at the same time, you don’t want to let them fall into sin.
Any beneficial advice would be totally appreciated on this topic.
Thanx for reading.

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4 thoughts on “I Don’t Want To Be The ‘NO’ Muslim

  1. Asalaamu Alaykum,

    You know if I was you, I wouldn’t be really concerned about the future just focus on how you can convey the message of tawheed to her now. Once she becomes Muslim, she’ll probably asking you a lot of questions if she’s really interested in Islam and practising it. Think of how you were. Yes some Muslims overwhelm the new converts with ‘don’t do this, don’t do that’ but most of the time, it is the converts who are always asking if this is OK to do, wear, eat etc.

    And trust me, at least your friend was a non-Muslim, so it’s predictable that she would distance hersefl from you once you adopted a whole new religion. I have had Muslim friends who I grew up with that completely disappeared out of my life once they saw I wanted to actually practice Islam to my best efforts. Once a change in your life happens, you soon figure out who your real friends are.

  2. Assalamu’Alaikum! Like the previous comment I agree that it’s best for you to focus on the present and convey the message to your friend now. Like you said it is tough because as reverts we know how difficult it is when someone overwhelms you with everything Islam all of a sudden. At the same time like you said we have to guide them as friends. It’s more than likely she will herself find out things and confirm with you and want to learn more, but if you feel she doesn’t know you could subtly help her by maybe giving her books which teach Islam (fiqh and other things). This way you won’t be the one setting limits but rather the one who is trying to help. To me learning from a book helped a lot more than someone saying “Don’t do this and that”. My husband used to advise me a lot (in my early revert years) but I always felt he was pushing me too much and I became defensive but then he gave me different books which I took my time reading and learning. Eventually I learnt and understood that he had been right and only looking out for my best interest. Insha’Allah I hope this helps. Fee Amanillah!

  3. Bismillah.. Assamualaikum warahmatullah..

    Most important thing is to strengthened one’s tawheed. a born muslim or new muslim, tawheed is important. Do not jump into Do’s and Don’ts. One their tawheed is strengthened, it will be easier for them to accept the others. InsyaAllah.
    Remember, Allah guides whom he wills. We convey the truth, we let them know of the truth, we remind them of the truth. The rest, we leave it to Allah. Don’t be sad or upset if others wouldn’t be able to accept what we have told them.

    “So remind, [O Muhammad]; you are only a reminder. You are not over them a controller.” (88:21-22)

  4. Salaam wa alaikum sister,

    I would agree that your can perform da’wah insha’Allah by maintainng your relationship after setting boundaries and being their for her. She is on her own timeline. Teach her tawheed, she does not need to eradicate all her sins in one swoop…did you? Did I? NOPE! If she truly accepts Islam, eventually she will be able to stop all that stuff on her own insha’Allah. It is just up to you to perform da’wah…which is simply and invitation to Islam, it is not a requirement for your to ensure she stops all her sins at once! The Qur’an was revealed gradually, mercifully because people needed time to change their hearts before their actions. They also needed time to change their actions gradually. I would explain to her what is haraam and halaal, but emphasize that we are all sinners and we all have struggles and that it is a journey of constantly improving who we are and the actions we take. I actually wrote an essay that applies to your situation, I have provided the link below. I wish you all the best. May Allah bless you for your intentions. Ameen.

    http://www.saudilife.net/islam/87-challenges/38010-why-stop-at-da-wah

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