Oh The Shame

After dropping hubby off at work, I took my son to the dr. for his one year old check up. We got the horrifying vaccines out of the way and then we were on our way to the grocery store.  I once again let shaytan talk me out of wearing my niqab. “You don’t wanna be bothered with the drama today. You’ll wear it the next time you go out. It’s ok for today” So we walked into the store and got the items we needed and headed to check out. I walked up after putting the groceries on the counter and the cashier was looking at me. Of course, I’m thinking it’s because I’m muslim, but apparently it was for another reason. He kept asking me questions and talking and trying to make me laugh. At first I’m thinking he’s trying to be friendly, but as the conversation progressed, I came to the conclusion, he was flirting. So I got my stuff as quickly as possible and left confused, like “What about my appearance says, ‘Please flirt with me?.”? Well, I guess my open face.

Not learning my lesson, I didn’t wear my niqab into wal-mart either. A couple of aisles in, I look over to see a niqabi with her children. I felt so ashamed in that moment. Like she was so much stronger than me. Many sisters wouldn’t go to the masjid I used to attend saying, “Sisters would tell me I don’t cover correctly.” In my point of view, if you feel someone would tell you this, then you obviously feel you aren’t covering correctly. You just don’t wanna be told so. I didn’t feel this sister would walk up to me and tell me I needed to put a niqab on, but I was telling myself. I didn’t need anyone to tell me. I knew within myself that I wasn’t covered as I should be. I stayed in the aisle asking myself, “Why aren’t you wearing your niqab”? WHY?  Shaking my head in disappointment with myself, I kept walking and gathered what I needed. After checking out, I was walking towards the exit and a man sitting on the bench said, “Come here, beautiful.” I scrunched up my face and showed my disgust and he laughed. I wished sooooo much in that moment that I had worn my niqab to the grocery store and especially wal-mart. This man had just shown me one of the reasons I wear niqab. So I don’t have to deal with that type of ignorance. I really would have rather worn my niqab and heard, “Hey ninja”, than having to hear, “Come here beautiful” because I didn’t wear my beloved niqab.

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