I have a confession. I haven’t been wearing my niqab the past few days. Once again, letting shaytan get inside my head and whisper his foolishness to me. First it was going to the doctor and letting shaytan convince me there would be no men there, so what’s the sense in wearing it. As if I knew who would be in the office. Stupid. Then to shop-rite and walmart for groceries and household items. My husband had a dinner with his co-workers, so I had to go with the kids by myself. Shaytan whispered, “It’s late. What if someone attacks you when you’re going back to your car with the kids? No one would even help you because you’re wearing niqab, etc.” So I allowed myself to be deceived and didn’t wear it into the stores. Once inside, of course I got less stares than when I wear niqab and shaytan was right there to remind me how much easier this was. how much more comfortable I felt walking through the store. Because I follow the opinion that niqab is recommended and not obligatory, I often find myself thinking, “I don’t have to wear it anyway.” I hate when this thought comes. Then I went to toys r’ us, same thoughts but I just felt so ashamed not to be wearing it. I felt like I was putting pleasing Allah to the side, and for what? To be accepted by people who really could care less about me? People who cannot do a thing for me on the Day of Judgment.
When I first started wearing niqab, I was sooo confident. No one could tell me anything. I don’t know where this lack of confidence and lack of strength has come from. It bothers me so much. Why do I keep fearing what these people will think of me, what they will possible do, when I know (or at least should know) my Lord protects me and it is His Pleasure I should be seeking. No one elses. Niqab is a part of me. I love my niqab, so why am I leaving it at home so casually these days. I won’t anymore. I would much rather be stared at, than feel like I’m not putting my trust in Allah. Than feel like I’m giving up pleasing Allah to please His creation. I have to remind myself Paradise is surrounded by hardships, while Hell- Fire is surrounded by things that seemed pleasing and easy. So back off shaytan… my niqab is getting worn insha Allah! Lol