My Internal Conversation

My daughter is starting kindergarten at a new school on wednesday insha Allah, and has an orientation on tuesday insha Allah. I had already decided during ramadan that I would wear niqab to her orientation and bus stop each day. But now that shaytan is loose and back to whispering, I’m having doubts. This is kinda what my internal back and forth sounds like….

“I’m going to wear my niqab. So what if people stare.”

“What if kids make fun of your daughter because you wear it? What if the teachers treat her badly because of your wearing it?”

“I can’t not wear it because others may not like it. In that were the case, I wouldn’t wear hijab period.”

“What about security? Maybe one day they’ll let a stranger take her, thinking that’s you without niqab on?”

“I have to put my trust in Allah.”

“Your husband isn’t coming with you, you’ll have no one to protect you if someone should seek to harm you.”

“Allah will protect me.”

“You know you don’t like being stared at. People will stare at you each day at her bus stop.”

“They’ll get over it after a few days.”

“You already went to her school without it on. What’s the point now?”

“If I don’t wear it now, then when? I’ll have the same excuses next year, with any new school, when I go to the doctor, etc.”

“You’re not strong enough yet. You’ll be firmer in wearing niqab to her school next year insha Allah. Don’t over-burden yourself. You don’t wanna wear it one day and not the next.”

“How will I get strength if I keep letting others weaken my resolve? Who are they to keep me from pleasing Allah? WHY SHOULD I FEAR THOSE WHO DON’T FEAR ALLAH?”

And with this last thought I have decided that insha Allah, I will not remove my covering to please them, to avoid their stares and their comments. I will not fear them more than I fear Allah. I will put my trust in Allah and make du’a for strength and steadfastness to do that which is pleasing to Him. Make du’a for me brothers and sisters.

Insha Allah, I’ll write tomorrow about how orientation goes. Deep breath. Here we go.

Till tomorrow insha Allah, bye bye from niqabi land.

 

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